Funeral Etiquette: 10 Tips for Attending a Funeral

How much do you understand about funeral etiquette? The modern world is more casual than the world of generations past, but that does not mean that funeral services have lost their gravity. There are still points of etiquette people are expected to follow, and since funerals are not something most people attend often, it can be difficult to know exactly what is expected. It is easy to feel like you do not know what to say or do, to worry that you will say the wrong thing, or be powerless to offer comfort or aid to the grieving family. In this brief guide to funeral etiquette, UK funeral provider Bridgwater Funeral Services offers tips for how to dress, where to sit, what to say, what to do after a funeral, and more.

Most people have a hard time talking about death, and an even more difficult time knowing how to properly behave at a funeral. Often, people get tongue-tied, not wanting to say the wrong thing, or they feel powerless to offer any real help or comfort to the grieving family. At Quantock Funeral Services, we understand that funerals are not an everyday occurrence for most people, and we want to help you feel comfortable and confident that you will say and do the right things. Here, we offer these helpful tips for attending a funeral, to guide you in the correct funeral etiquette.

1. Know what to wear. Funeral dress etiquette is not as strict as it used to be, but it should still be respectful of the loss. Ask someone in the family if there are any special guidelines to follow. If there is no particular specification, conservative, dark clothing is usually appropriate. Be careful not to dress too casually, no matter what the dress code may be.
   
   
2. Decide whether it is prudent to attend. Typically, the bereaved family is comforted by having a large number of people at the funeral. Even if you did not know the person well, or you are only acquainted with a family member, you will probably be welcome. However, if you have any doubts, ask a close friend or family member. Be aware, too, of funeral etiquette for estranged family. A funeral is not a place to air grievances or make amends, and if you do not get along well with people who will be there, or you have not been involved in family events in recent years, do not use the funeral as a place to get things sorted.
   
   
3. Know what to bring. It can be useful to bring a few things with you to a funeral. Tissues are a good idea, as is an umbrella or other weather-appropriate items. If donations will be collected, bring money with you. Consider bringing a sympathy card for the family, and come prepared with a personal story or fond memory of the person who has died.
   
   
4. Be mindful of funeral flowers etiquette. UK families do not always want flowers at the funeral. In fact, in some cultures, flowers are considered inappropriate. Find out ahead of time what the family prefers, so that you can send flowers, make a donation, or honour the person in some other way. If you do decide on flowers, do not carry them with you to the funeral. Either have them delivered or send flowers or a plant to the home of the grieving family.
   
   
5. Think it through before bringing children with you to a funeral. There is not necessarily anything wrong with bringing children unless the family asks that you do not. However, depending on your child’s age and stage, it may not be the best idea. Little ones often have trouble sitting quietly for the length of a funeral service, so unless you are immediate family, it is probably better to leave them at home with a babysitter. If you have older children, speak to them about what to expect and what will be expected of them.
   
   
6. Treat the occasion with the gravity it deserves. A funeral is no place for loud conversations, phone usage, or snacking. Keep your phone turned off, and do not allow your children to eat snacks or play with noisy toys or electronic devices. If the service is for someone of a different faith or culture from yours, be respectful and attentive, but do not feel that you need to participate in any customs with which you are unfamiliar or uncomfortable.
   
   
7. Know where to sit. Funeral seating etiquette is explained at the service by ushers, when they are present. When they are not, be aware that the immediate family and very close friends should sit in the first few rows. If you do not fall into either of those categories, make sure to sit further back, but not so far back that empty spaces remain, and the family feels isolated.
   
   
8. Understand funeral car etiquette. UK funerals usually have a processional to the grave site, with close families riding in a funeral car behind the hearse, and the other cars in line behind them. The funeral director will know who is meant to be in this procession and who should drive separately, so make enquiries if you are unsure.
   
   
9. Show restraint when it comes to taking photos. Even if you are seeing people you have not seen in a long time, a funeral is no place for selfies. It is also not appropriate to take pictures of the person who has died. If you have permission to take photos at the funeral, be discreet and do not use flash. For the most part, it is better to wait until the service is over and you are outside before doing any photography.
   
   
10. Do not disappear after the funeral. Grief does not end after the funeral but, often, bereaved families find themselves lacking support as they try to navigate the world after a loved one’s death. Stay connected to your grieving friends, and often them as much support as you can.

If you have more questions about funerals, feel free to call Bridgwater Funeral Services Limited. Founded in 2002 by Nigel Gillard, Bridgwater Funeral Services Limited, in the centre of Bridgwater, Somerset, is a family business that provides personal service 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Nigel has been working in the funeral business for over 15 years, and his daughter Corrinne Foster, who is the highest qualified Funeral Director in the area, assists in running the business. We are committed to taking care of all funeral arrangements, welcoming our clients into a professional, friendly environment, with a luxurious waiting room and a beautiful Chapel of Rest. We offer Green and Woodland burials, horse-drawn funerals, military funerals, and services in all religious denominations as well as non-religious and humanist life celebrations. We also offer low-cost funerals and Golden Charter pre-paid funeral plans. If you have queries about the services we offer, or you just need help and advice, please do not hesitate to call us at 01278 457755, pop into our office on Bristol Road, or contact us through our website.