Coping with Grief and Loss During the Holidays

The holiday season is a time of joyful family traditions and making memories together. If you have recently lost a loved one, though, you may not feel like joining in the festivities. In fact, the merriment of the holidays may make your grief feel more intense. This season can feel confusing, and you may be torn between a yearning to connect with others and a desire to self-isolate until it is over. Grief is complicated, and can sometimes feel overwhelming, but you can take some positive steps to help you through this potentially painful time of year.

This holiday season will probably not look the same as the holidays of the past, and that is fine. Do not feel pressured to do all the things you used to do, but decide on where and when you will participate. Holiday parties, family gatherings and holiday shows are not requirements, and it is important to set realistic expectations for yourself. Talk to your friends and family members about this ahead of time, letting them know that you will socialise when you can, but that you will need to have some time for yourself, too.

By clearly communicating your expectations, you will avoid hurt feelings and can create a respectful dialogue. It may also be wise to limit the time you spend shopping in person, because holiday decorations and music can trigger emotions and make you feel off balance.

Setting boundaries does not mean that you should avoid people altogether. Talk to your loved ones about the things they really would like you to attend, and consider being there. Make plans to do something you think you would enjoy, and remind yourself that you do not have to stay the whole time.

When you are grieving, doing things the same way they have always been done can exacerbate your feelings of sadness. Brainstorm with other family members about celebrating the holidays in new ways, and find things to do together that create new memories. You may even want to consider a change of scenery, to make the holiday a little bit easier.

You do not have to throw out everything familiar, and you should definitely do something to honour the memory of your loved one. Decide on the traditions that are most meaningful to you, and hold on to those. Then, do something special like lighting a candle for your loved one, donating to the person’s favourite charity, creating a holiday scrapbook of fond memories, or making a memorial ornament or wreath.

Sometimes, the best way to shake off the blues and feel better is to reach out to someone in need. Around the holidays, it is easy to find a charity looking for volunteers, and being a part of that kind of meaningful work can be life-affirming.

Pay attention to your feelings, and allow yourself the space to feel them. Be compassionate to yourself, as you would to someone else who was grieving, and acknowledge that emotions can coexist. You are not under obligation to be sad constantly, and you are entitled to find joy in the holiday season, and in your friends and family, even while you are grieving.  Take care of yourself, giving yourself permission to grieve in the way that feels right to you, and to take time on your own when you need it.

It is important to let your friends, family members, and coworkers help you in your time of grief. We all need other people, and sharing grief lightens it. You may also need to seek the assistance of a support group or therapist, and this can be extremely helpful.

Founded in 2002 by Nigel Gillard, Bridgwater Funeral Services Limited, in the centre of Bridgwater, Somerset, is a family business that provides personal service 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Traditions both old and modern are honoured here, with Green and Woodland burials, horse-drawn funerals, military funerals, and services in all religious denominations as well as non-religious and humanist life celebrations. We also offer low-cost funerals and Golden Charter pre-paid funeral plans. If you need help planning a funeral and want to learn more about our services, contact us through our website for information and resources.